Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde

What's in a name? In The Namesake, Gogol goes through a major transformation through a name change. Was his transformation solely a result of his name change? In class, the student group presenting on the Namesake asked how people felt about changing their names and if anyone of us had ever changed our names. While I've never technically, or legally, changed my name, I feel like I've been through a similar transformation as Gogol. Throughout my life the people close to me have fit into one of two categories: those who know me as Los and those who know me as Carlos. I know it sounds a little bipolar, which I’m not (at least I don’t think I am), but the two are radically different.

Los

Athletic – Played football, basketball, and baseball in high school.

Charismatic – Life of the party.

Confident – Doesn’t second-guess self and takes initiative.

Almost a high school dropout – escaped high school with a 2.1 GPA.

Short tempered – Always getting into fights

Carlos

Shy – More likely to spend a whole day without saying anything to anyone

Bookworm – 3.63 cumulative GPA through City College and UC Berkeley

Hard working – Work by day, school by night

Insecure – Always worried about what others think

Caring – Looks after niece and nephew, making sure they don’t make the same mistakes

To my parents, family, and acquaintances I am Carlos. And to my closer friends, I am Los. There’s no switch that transforms one into the other, and there’s quite a bit of overlap between the two. Los can’t talk to a girl. Carlos thrives in demanding situations. There are people who know me as both.

I was never a superstar basketball player or anything like that, but I was fairly good. And because it was one of the few things I did well in high school, I took pride in it. People saw the pride, mistook it for arrogance and labeled me a jock. People expected me to act a certain way and I, looking to fit in, perpetuated the situation.

On the other hand, after I graduated from high school, I decided to move to Miami in order to get my life together. It was the first time in my life that I had to fend for myself. My parents were no longer around to pay for rent or put food on the table. Overnight I became responsible for myself, not missing a day of work or ever being late with rent.

Much how like Gogol was transformed and enabled to talk to the girl at the party after first introducing himself as Nikhil, I was transformed the first time I was called Los. We were scrimmaging against each another during basketball practice freshmen year of high school. A team member puts up a shot that hits off the backboard and rim. I weave around the defender trying to screen me out and attack the ball, grabbing it as it leaves the rim. In a single fluid motion, I land on the ground and jump back up with the ball, laying it up while slapping the backboard with authority. “Uhhhh… Los! That was beastly,” exclaimed my team mate as we ran back on defense.

My Name

My name is Ali in class and pretty much to everybody I know. I never really ever mention my original name and my name is often out of my mind. I feel that Ali is a good name and it is quite unique. I often have to correct people in pronouncing my name and am really proud of how it sounds. I really like that not many people have my name and often find myself the only one in the environment with this name. Everybody in my family had a Vietnamese name since everyone was born in Vietnam. It seems that somehow nicknames were developed in our childhood.
The name Ali originally started out as a nickname after a famous actress named Ali McGraw. She starred in the movie Love Story and my parents fell in love with that movie. The name stuck and has been used to this day.
I also have heard of another story from where my nickname originated. I got it from my aunt who liked to have an ee sound at the end of my name. In the case of my older brother, his name is Danny, which has the ee sound at the end of his name. So they came of with the Ali because they like how it sounds.
My brother on the other hand believed that my nickname was made up by my uncle. My uncle apparently named me after Mohammed Ali, a guy by the way. He teases me that it is after a guy and Ali is pronounced differently for his name. So my brother calls me with a different name that nobody else really calls me.
Personally, I think it is the first story that I mentioned which I believe where my name came from. My parents are also very adamant on this being the truthful story.

So my real name is Nguyen Thi Dan Ha. Usually in Vietnamese we start our name with our last name first and then continue from the middle to first. Last name: Nguyen, Middle: Thi , First: Dan Ha. Another particular thing about my Vietnamese name is that it has four words. Usually a Vietnamese a girl is named with four words and a guy is named with three words. This establishes a name that has value and respect.
I did not learn this until high school and I find that an interesting fact. The reason I didn’t realize this fact earlier was because I didn’t notice another part of my name for the longest time, Thi. I didn’t realize that this was a part of my name until I had to apply for my driver’s license and my US citizenship certificate had three words for my middle name. By the way, my original first name (my Vietnamese name) became my middle name and my nickname became my first name in America.
So my Vietnamese name means the time when the sun is setting and you see the multiple hues of the sky setting. It is very poetic in Vietnamese with its underlying meanings that I don’t understand since I haven’t lived in Vietnam for most of my life. So when I think about my Vietnamese name, I think it is a shame that I don’t use it. It is just that I like my nickname too and it is confusing to have multiple names.

The Gangsta'

Following the discussion in class on Friday, I was left to reflect on what he had (or had not discussed) as a class. I found it interesting that the discussion was not as plentiful as I had expected, and there were many, long moments of "dead air." The entire time, I was wondering why people had nothing to say about the book. After all, I thought, the book was of an interesting topic and had many complexities. That left me to think about my experience reading the book.

I remember when I finished the book, I was left sitting on my bed and wondering what had just happened. I had spent hours immersed in the raw details of the book, turning from page to page, anxious to see what would happen next. And when I finally reached the end, I was not satisfied. I realize that I was not satisfied because I found that the book was so complex that I was not really sure how the book ended. This may or may not have been because I was rushing to finish the book before the presentation, but nevertheless I still stand by the fact that it was just a complicated plot. The details, while not only in a confusing anti-chronological order, were conflicting and unsettling. When it came time to ask the question, "Did Le really find who she is?" I could not even answer the question. It seems to show in the story line in that Le and her parents spend so much time wandering from place to place that they don't have energy to do much else than keep themselves safe and alive. Because they are lower class immigrants, they don't really have time to sit around and ponder the meaning of their existence and whether or not their names are appropriate for them. It is exactly my inability to answer the question that makes the book what it is--raw, emotional, and real.

I am also reminded of the many, tangible, real life stories that I have heard of the Vietnamese boat people. While the Namesake was a compelling fictional expression of conflicting Asian American feelings, Le's book was more of a snapshot of a more tangible experience. She is almost describing a picture, using more than one thousand words. In all honesty, I am partial to the Namesake more because I simply found it a better read, but I respect the fact that The Gangster was something that no one could truly just make up out of their imagination.

Now, back to the question: Why was the class so quiet when there should have been so much to talk about?

Perhaps it was an off day. Or, maybe there were so many complexities at play that no one could deciper the true answers to the questions (which was also my personal feeling). Or, it could be that the story line did not generate strong opinions. I am sure everyone had their opinion about Gogol, but maybe when it came to Le the true story factor did not leave much room for judgment, especially about such a sensitive topic for so many people. Who knows. What I know is that I am still confused about what really happened to Le's family. Who is the gangster? Le or her father? What makes that person the gangster? What did Le's father do to make him a gangster? It's all still a big mystery to me.

On a side note, I started reading America is in the Heart a few days ago and was fascinated to learn about the Filipino-American immigrant experience through the introduction chapter. I thought that Filipinos were not considered Asian (or perhaps that is what is portrayed by standardized testing bubbles), but am excited to read more about a group that I have never learned much about in terms of immigration. It was interesting to read that Filipinos were once looked down on in the early years of their immigration. Chia-Chi said in class on Friday that it is his favorite book of all time, so I hope that I can see why when I'm through.